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Emissions: Capp'd Or Traded?

15th July 2010

Remember the Archbishop's Tale?

That was the peerless work of someone far far away called Iowahawk.

Now he's back, as ever on the subject of Holy Men. In this case two distinguished US politicians-cum-vicars, Al Gore and John Edwards, whose capacity for loudly pursuing righteous causes is exceeded only by the scale of their ultimate respectively ruinous bimbo eruptions.

So put on your safety belt and a pair of Pampers nappies to deal with the ensuing, hem, seepage as you read this one, which can lay claim to being the funniest thing ever written:

"Sinners!" he cried from the alter, to the astonished flock. "Behold the picto-gram of the hockey stick divine! By thy carbon ethers thou hast brought great righteous anger to the Lord God and his holy mother Gaia! Repent now, lest ye be damned to an eternity of summers most uncomfortable!"

Upon which he presented for sale to the duly frightened parishioners the only two true paths to their salvation: Vicar Albert carbon indulgences and Vicar Albert arse-corks.

In due time Vicar Albert's curious wares found great favour in the royal courts of Europe, and soon vast pilgrimages of dandy-men and gentlewomen arrived at his worship house, begging from him the latest carbon forgiveness parchments and fine porcelain arse-corks, by which they could better display their fashionable piety to nature.

Alas - temptation:

... both men were keen in the knowledge that by divorcing their ungainly spouses they risked their holy ordinance and a king's ransom in indulgences. And as if to treble their anguish, with each sermon it seemed the Devil had stocked the pews aplenty with adoring and voluptuous maidens, beneath whose silken petticoats lied a tasty forbidden feast of love-oysters.

Health & Safety Warning Alert 

Risk of dying from laughing. And Bawdy Bits.

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