A handy To-Do list for William Hague as he tries to drain the FCO swamp:

End PoMo gimmicks: Issue instructions that any Ambassador using an Embassy flagpole to fly a gay rights Rainbow flag, a Save the Whale flag or any other trendy private ‘campaign’ symbol will be sacked without notice.

Restore respect: close down immediately all Diversity and Anti-Bullying HR units – issue a simple rule that all staff are expected to be polite and helpful towards each other and the public.

Stop asking stupid questions: dismiss anyone proposing that outside consultants run FCO Staff Questionnaires – use the FCO Intranet to let FCO staff themselves help choose awkward questions about management/morale.

Ban sellotape: notices are for notice-boards alone, not walls and lifts.

End apartheid: ask Francis Maude at the Cabinet Office to stop his people demanding Risk Management matrices and Ethnic Diversity surveys based upon crude racial categories as in apartheid South Africa. Insist that ‘diversity’ questionnaires must make provision for Poles, Romanians, Slovaks, Jews and other significant communities.

Promote ability: insist too that any ‘diversity’ audit hereafter includes the following option:

I demand that I be measured on my ability alone. The colour of my skin, the number of floppy/dangly bits on the front of my body and my religious beliefs are all none of the government’s damn business.

That lot should get FCO people moving back in the right direction.

Plus plenty more where they came from.